A Little Bit of Conversation
by CowMow
Summary: Our dear friends have little domestics. I have to warn you: beloved characters from the show will die violent deaths. Is more fun than it sounds, well, I hope xD .
1. Chapter 1

Being bored to death can be an advantage. I think. But then, schoolwork should have first priority. Fatefully, it hasn't. So, here it is. My first fanfic containing only conversation. Please leave a review. I might be moved to do more of those :) They're fun to write, honestly. I do take requests… :D Now, if you're all sitting comfortably, I'll begin. :D

* * *

><p>"John?"<p>

"Hmm?"

"My skull is gone."

"I didn't take, if you think that."

"Well, it's gone."

"I see."

"It was here 15 minutes ago."

"Was it? I didn't notice."

"Well, I'm sure you did."

"Sherlock!"

"What?"

"I didn't take your skull."

"Someone did."

"I relocated it."

"You relocated it? What's that supposed to mean?"

"I took it and placed it somewhere else."

"Why did you do that?"

"It was staring at me, Sherlock."

"Of course it was, it's a skull for goodness's sake!"

"So I relocated it."

"Tell me where."

"No."

"I can deduce it easily."

"Be my guest."

"JOHN!"

"Yes, Sherlock?"

"Why did you place the skull in the bowl with acid?"

"It's an experiment."

"What for?"

"Well, for some very interesting chemical effects and such…"

"What results do you have?"

"None. The skull had disappeared when I returned 1 minute later."

"John?"

"Yes, Sherlock?"

"Do you know what happens when wool meets acid?"

"Don't you dare."

"I do dare; the pattern is hideous."

"But it's my favourite jumper, Sherlock! Give it back!"

"Catch me if you can!"

"Sherlock! For the sake of law and order, give it back. Now! I will run after you all the way around the flat if I have to."

"Can't you run any faster, Johnny boy?"

"Sherlock, sto-stop it!"

"Oh, look! It melts! And it steams!"

"Why did you do that?"

"It's an experiment."

"No, it wasn't."

"Yes, it was."

"No, it wasn't."

"It was. And I can do this much longer than you."

"No, you can't."

"Oh, yes I can."

"Great. Fine. Sherlock, I'm going out."

"What for?"

"I need some air."

"But it's raining."

"So?"

"You might catch a cold."

"Well, I do need a new jumper, don't I?"

* * *

><p>"John, I told you; you would catch a cold."<p>

"At least I have a jumper now."

"It's even more hideous than the next one. Oh, no. Don't touch that."

"…"

"John, fingers off! It's mine!"

"…"

"NO! Don't! Put that down!"

"…"

"John? What the hell are you doing? Put that down!"

"Well, I always thought that purple shirt could do with some airholes."

"You SHOT my purple shirt!"

"Looks much better now, doesn't it?"

"NO!"

"Sherlock… Don't even think about that. No, stay away from me. Don't touch me. Don't you dare!"

"…"

"Shumphlock humphshumphsjis lungksh sjhath."

"…"

"…"

"And? What d'you think?"

"Ouf.. well… that was a erm.. experiment I liked… Where did you learn to do that?"

"Well…"

"Don't tell me. I think we need more data."

* * *

><p>Please don't kill me for killing the purple shirt. I think the purple shirt is overrated xD Okay, I don't. I'm in love with the bloody thing :(<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

"Sherlock?"

"Hmm?"

"It's one o'clock."

"Yes?"

"Let me be more precise: it's one o'clock, in the middle of the night."

"Technically, one o'clock isn't in the middle of the night."

"Shut up."

"What do you want, John?"

"I want to sleep."

"Well, you can't do that here, can you?"

"No, not really. No."

"You could sleep upstairs though."

"Damn it, Sherlock!"

"It _is_ true."

"And you are killing twelve cats in the middle of the night."

"I was playing the violin. I need to practice."

"… How true."

"I smell sarcasm."

"It has been a productive night then I guess."

"I can _see_ sarcasm."

"Great. Can you stop playing the violin then?"

"No. I need to think, John."

"Yeah… well, _I_ need to sleep. Have to go to work tomorrow."

"Work's boring."

"You work too."

"Okay, let me rectify. _Your_ work is boring."

"Fine. Give that to me."

"No. It's _my_ violin."

"Give. It. To. Me."

"John, stop it! No, seriously, stop it!"

"Sherlock! I'm sick and tired of you and your stupid games and experiments and everything! I want to sleep, I've got a headache and you play it terribly!"

"really?"

"Don't pout. I'm really angry!"

"Yes, I can see that."

"… and don't mess with me when I'm angry. Now, give it to me."

"Or what?"

"Or I'll break it."

"You already broke my skull and my purple shirt."

"You burnt my jumper."

"I melted your jumper."

"I want your violin so I can sleep. It won't be a bad idea for you either."

"What?"

"For goodness's sake… I can believe we're having this conversation in the middle of the night."

"As I said before John, one o'clock isn't really in the middle of the night."

"Sod it."

"John! Leave it! … No, give it back to me!"

"You'll get it back in the morning. Go to bed."

"But I don't want to."

"Come with me then."

"Can I have my violin back tomorrow?"

"Perhaps."

"You're not really sick and tired of me, are you?"

"We'll see about that tomorrow…"


	3. Chapter 3

John, I need your help. –SH

John, come to Baker Street, now! –SH

_Sherlock, I'm busy. Work, you know? –J_

That's insignificant. –SH

_Can't Mrs H help? –J_

I doubt it. –SH

_Oh. What's wrong? –J _

_Sherlock?_

_For Goodness sake! Answer me!_

I already put in plain words what I needed from you. –SH

_Alright, I'm on my way. This'd better be serious_.

Or what? –SH

_I'll make it serious. –J_

"Ah, John, you're hear. Good. Come on up and help me."

"My goodness…! What have you done to the sofa?"

"It was an experiment."

"Is it – ? It's smoking!"

"Yes…"

"My—Shite! We need water! Bucket, teacup... anything!"

"Don't overreact, John."

"Overreact? Sherlock, the sofa is on fire!"

"No, it is not. It's just smoking."

"Don't be clever on me. And don't just sit there!"

"I would only be in your way."

"Sherlock….!"

"Okay. Fine, fine. I'll call Mycroft."

"Why would you do that?"

"He can send minions to remove it from here."

"And UP goes the rent... Thanks Sher."

"Oh. You're welcome I suppose."

"Never mi- Tell me. What kind of experiment involved blowing up the sofa?"

"I wanted to know how you would react."

"Me? You wanted to know how I would react?"

"Yes. It has been very enlightening, I have to say."

"You are going to buy a new sofa. And you are going to tell me what made my behaviour so very educating."

"Mrs. Hudson will buy a new sofa. And it's been interesting because you only looked at the sofa, and not at the rest of the flat. That means you only expect the worst of me."

"Wha- Oh. You've been cleaning."

"Yes."

"Thank you Sherlock. But you're still going to pay for that. I'm certainly not going to do it."

"Ah, Mycroft. I suppose you saw the smoke on the CCTV footage. How kind of you to come."

"Hello Doctor Watson. I'm sorry to hear your sofa has died."

"Hello Mycroft. Yeah, I know. One of his experiments."

"Brother dear, be as kind as to remove the sofa? How's the diet?"

"Fine, Sherlock. If you play a trick like this again, I'll tell mummy. Ah, John, I see you've cleaned the flat. It looks very nice."

"It was me, brother dear. Bye."

"Sherlock! Behave please."

"Boring!"

"You ruined our sofa; you're going to listen and obey me for the next week."

"Fine."

"Good luck, Sherlock. Goodbye doctor Watson."

"Bye Mycroft. Thanks for taking the sofa."

"Sorry you can't eat it, My. Well, John, what would you like to do?"

"No idea."

"Dinner?"

"Starving. Ah! We're going to the zoo tomorrow."

"Don't smile like that."

"…"

"I said don't. Take your coat, we're off."


End file.
